How Can Anyone Hate Christmas? Well I do...I just hate this time of year...it supposed to make me happy and joyful and every year I wait for that to happen and it never does. And don't tell me that I have to make it happen for myself, because I have tried that too. It's too much work trying to do that for other people, I don't have the time or the energy to try to do it for myself too.
Almost every year I have to try to figure out how I am going to afford Christmas for my children. That is enough stress right there. There is extended family to buy for and the friends of your kids and the circle that you have to buy for just keeps getting bigger but the money coming in doesn't. Did I mention that I hate Christmas? How did something that was supposed to be joyful turn into something that is so stressful for me? It literally brings me to tears every year...
For the last few years, up until last year, I worked over time, LOTS of overtime at the holidays in order to make sure that my kids could have a decent Christmas. Then last year we went the layaway route and the kids knew everything they were getting, well the big stuff anyway.
This year, the OT, was spent on my glasses...what the hell was I thinking?!?! and we didn't do layaway and it's like 2 weeks til Christmas and I have nothing for my kids. And Paul is saying, "We'll figure it out...we always do..." Yeah we always do...because I ALWAYS DO!!!! and I didn't and I am tired of being responsible for making sure that this family has a decent Christmas. But if I say, "I'm out! You do it for once!" Then I am being a bitch and not trying to give him a chance and move forward in our relationship, but seriously, its like he feels that he has really taken part in the past and done his fair share in how the previous years turned out. He hasn't, he's taken credit for presents that I worked hard to make sure the kids got, and that irritated the crap out of me...
So here we are in another holiday season and I am the Grinch...because I hate Christmas and the horrible holiday it has turned into...I have never gotten to enjoy a single Christmas as an adult. It's sad. Someday I hope I can enjoy Christmas. Maybe when I have grand-babies, if I live that long...
