Okay, so it's been a week since the Ping! was banished from our lives...it seemed like a dream come true. Saturday and Sunday were great. We had a great time together, but by the time he got home from work on Monday he was sullen and depressed and he said it was because he had realized how much his actions had been hurting me. And he felt guilty and he as sorry. I said it was in the past and it wasnt his fault and lets let it go and move on.
But Tuesday came and he was more sullen and depressed and then Wednesday and it was the same story...he said he was dissatisfied at work. (This sounds scary familiar, this is how he gets fired.) But I don't think it has anything or at least not much to do with his job...I think he is missing his Sherry fix. I am boring old regular home life and she is interesting online, South Caroline or wherever.
But since he has been like this, he has been so distant and it has been so easy to fall back into the relationship patterns that we had built up over the years of living like room-mates and not the new patterns we have been trying to establish.
It's hard to want to cuddle up to someone who is acting like they just aren't that into you...it feels like pretending or at the very least setting yourself up for rejection and seriously, who wants to be rejected by their spouse of 21.5 years? That is a serious smack down!
Well, I have tons of housework and yard-work and grocery shopping ahead of me today...and I haven't taken my morning M.S. meds yet. So I gotta get off of here! More later I assure you.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Sunday, August 12, 2012
I Stood My Ground
So I went in there and I spoke my mind...she started to go over the papers that we brought about Paul's ADD and I said, "Wait...before this goes any further, I don't think I can do this anymore...I don't want to do this anymore. I'm done." And she goes, "With what?" And I said "With everything, this all of it, counseling the marriage, everything... If we had broken up in June like we were heading towards, I'd be healing by now, but as it is, just when I start to heal, he wounds me again, over and over..." and she says, "Tell me what you mean..." So I told her about my perfect Sunday ruined by the Ping! from Sherry, and the Sunday afternoon when we were supposed spend time together and she Ping!-ed and he asked for 10 minutes and it turned to 40, and how last week he barely waited until I was in bed and then he ran for the computer to Ping! her...I said that those behaviors hurt me and he had obviously chosen and that if she fulfilled some need for him that there was nothing I could do about it.
He said that he hadn't chosen. Dawn said that Sherry was obviously a wedge between us and that he needed to understand that it was Sherry or me. He said that it wasnt fair and why did he have to choose. I told her that I had made several changes in an effort to make him happy. I had shown a greater interest in the things he liked, I had gone places with him that I would never have gone before, I had written him little notes, sent him texts during the day, actively cuddled, and felt that he was not giving the same sort of changes in return. When she asked him what changes he was making for me his response was that I was enjoying the things that we were doing together and the hanging out, etc. She said, no, what changes was he making for me? He couldn't come up with any...
He said he had told Sherry that he was going to work on the marriage. He also said that he had told me that he wasn't going to talk to Sherry about me and our relationship and that he hadn't been and that he was going to chat for less time when he did chat. But what Dawn pointed out was that he hadn't explained the new boundaries to Sherry so she just kept coming back expecting the old rules to be in effect. And when she Ping!-ed he still went running. She asked him what would happen if he told Sherry that he was going to take a break for two months. He asked what did she mean, of course he would do it. He was committed to me and working on the marriage. She said, no, did he think Sherry would wait for him. He said he didn't know. I thought that said alot. Dawn said okay...He said he was worried because wouldn't he be right back where he was if at Christmas she popped up and said 'Merry Xmas' and he said 'Merry Xmas, how have you been?' and I got upset all over again. Dawn said she had a plan and by that point we would have done a lot of healing and it wouldn't be an issue.
This went on for some time, with Dawn giving examples of how this was a painful issue for me, trying to explain that my feelings were valid even if he didn't understand how. Finally he got that they were real feelings. He accepted that in order for us to move on Sherry was going to have to go.
Dawn said that if Sherry Ping!-ed him I was supposed to say, 'What are you going to do?'. We also discussed his ADD and using a timer for Facebook.
Last time after we left counseling, I thought we were on the same page about what had been discussed and we weren't, so when got home this time, I asked him what was discussed and what was going to happen. He said that he was going to tell Sherry that he wasn't going to talk to her anymore. (And that he was going to use a timer for Facebook.)
So last night while I was cooking dinner, I was looking at a recipe online and Sherry pops up. So I told him. He said he wanted time to talk to her...I said no better time than now...I'm gonna be cooking for awhile. After like 2 minutes, he says, "I'm done..." Now I was expecting this to take awhile...seriously...they were supposedly these really great supportive friends...had gotten each other through such rough times...she was there for him when we were going through the almost break up, etc...but as soon as he tries to explain it to her she says goodbye, he says wait, and tries again and she says I don't want to hear your excuses Paul! and basically leaves the conversation. He was really upset and that upsets me. I didn't want him to be upset. That was never my goal. Truly it wasn't. I am not and was not jealous. I just don't want to share him, especially with some faceless harlot on the computer.
I am pretty sure there was either more or less to the relationship from her side than he thought.
Either:
A: she did want him all to herself...and wanted me out of the picture
OR
B: she was never that supportive of him at all...
Either way, I'm just glad the bitch is gone!
So I went on Facebook this morning and the bitch un-friended him...nice...works for me! I can move on working on my marriage...I no longer have to worry about that annoying Ping! and the harlot/tramp that goes with it!
Happy dance for me...
Sad face for Paul.
I did explain to Paul that the pain that he is experiencing now...is kinda what I have been going through (probably less so than what I have been experiencing) for the last few weeks. We are each going to have our own painful parts of this healing processes. Each time he left me for that Ping! I felt wounded.
He said that he hadn't chosen. Dawn said that Sherry was obviously a wedge between us and that he needed to understand that it was Sherry or me. He said that it wasnt fair and why did he have to choose. I told her that I had made several changes in an effort to make him happy. I had shown a greater interest in the things he liked, I had gone places with him that I would never have gone before, I had written him little notes, sent him texts during the day, actively cuddled, and felt that he was not giving the same sort of changes in return. When she asked him what changes he was making for me his response was that I was enjoying the things that we were doing together and the hanging out, etc. She said, no, what changes was he making for me? He couldn't come up with any...
He said he had told Sherry that he was going to work on the marriage. He also said that he had told me that he wasn't going to talk to Sherry about me and our relationship and that he hadn't been and that he was going to chat for less time when he did chat. But what Dawn pointed out was that he hadn't explained the new boundaries to Sherry so she just kept coming back expecting the old rules to be in effect. And when she Ping!-ed he still went running. She asked him what would happen if he told Sherry that he was going to take a break for two months. He asked what did she mean, of course he would do it. He was committed to me and working on the marriage. She said, no, did he think Sherry would wait for him. He said he didn't know. I thought that said alot. Dawn said okay...He said he was worried because wouldn't he be right back where he was if at Christmas she popped up and said 'Merry Xmas' and he said 'Merry Xmas, how have you been?' and I got upset all over again. Dawn said she had a plan and by that point we would have done a lot of healing and it wouldn't be an issue.
This went on for some time, with Dawn giving examples of how this was a painful issue for me, trying to explain that my feelings were valid even if he didn't understand how. Finally he got that they were real feelings. He accepted that in order for us to move on Sherry was going to have to go.
Dawn said that if Sherry Ping!-ed him I was supposed to say, 'What are you going to do?'. We also discussed his ADD and using a timer for Facebook.
Last time after we left counseling, I thought we were on the same page about what had been discussed and we weren't, so when got home this time, I asked him what was discussed and what was going to happen. He said that he was going to tell Sherry that he wasn't going to talk to her anymore. (And that he was going to use a timer for Facebook.)
So last night while I was cooking dinner, I was looking at a recipe online and Sherry pops up. So I told him. He said he wanted time to talk to her...I said no better time than now...I'm gonna be cooking for awhile. After like 2 minutes, he says, "I'm done..." Now I was expecting this to take awhile...seriously...they were supposedly these really great supportive friends...had gotten each other through such rough times...she was there for him when we were going through the almost break up, etc...but as soon as he tries to explain it to her she says goodbye, he says wait, and tries again and she says I don't want to hear your excuses Paul! and basically leaves the conversation. He was really upset and that upsets me. I didn't want him to be upset. That was never my goal. Truly it wasn't. I am not and was not jealous. I just don't want to share him, especially with some faceless harlot on the computer.
I am pretty sure there was either more or less to the relationship from her side than he thought.
Either:
A: she did want him all to herself...and wanted me out of the picture
OR
B: she was never that supportive of him at all...
Either way, I'm just glad the bitch is gone!
So I went on Facebook this morning and the bitch un-friended him...nice...works for me! I can move on working on my marriage...I no longer have to worry about that annoying Ping! and the harlot/tramp that goes with it!
Happy dance for me...
Sad face for Paul.
I did explain to Paul that the pain that he is experiencing now...is kinda what I have been going through (probably less so than what I have been experiencing) for the last few weeks. We are each going to have our own painful parts of this healing processes. Each time he left me for that Ping! I felt wounded.
Friday, August 10, 2012
It All Ended With A Ping!
You've heard of wars ending with a bang...this one ended with a Ping!
Ha! So Sad! My marriage ended with a Ping!
I feel like crying but I'm already ready for work so I guess I will just wait til I get home...I am getting off early today to go to the counselor. I just have to make sure that I get heard this time. Somehow every appointment gets turned into a Paul-fest. I haven't been heard yet. I need to be heard, not that I think it will make any difference.
I love him and I want my marriage to work, but I don't think he is willing to make any changes.
He wants to keep playing the victim and Sherry is backing him up, saying that I am at fault, that it takes two to tango (what a dumb-ass expression), so there is no way I can win, especially now that he has chosen her over me...He wants her as his best friend and me for the 'other things' the tangible-touchy things...
I guess this is the end...It hurts so much. I just wish he would've seen how much he was hurting me before it was too late. I tried to make it work. But this pretending that it wasn't hurting while we tried to move forward, waiting for it to get better just wasn't working...he just kept hurting me more and more...and it was like he didn't care...doesn't care....
I feel like crying but I'm already ready for work so I guess I will just wait til I get home...I am getting off early today to go to the counselor. I just have to make sure that I get heard this time. Somehow every appointment gets turned into a Paul-fest. I haven't been heard yet. I need to be heard, not that I think it will make any difference.
I love him and I want my marriage to work, but I don't think he is willing to make any changes.
He wants to keep playing the victim and Sherry is backing him up, saying that I am at fault, that it takes two to tango (what a dumb-ass expression), so there is no way I can win, especially now that he has chosen her over me...He wants her as his best friend and me for the 'other things' the tangible-touchy things...
I guess this is the end...It hurts so much. I just wish he would've seen how much he was hurting me before it was too late. I tried to make it work. But this pretending that it wasn't hurting while we tried to move forward, waiting for it to get better just wasn't working...he just kept hurting me more and more...and it was like he didn't care...doesn't care....
That's It I'm Out!
I can't do it anymore, I'm out! That's what I'm gonna say when we get to the counselor today. I can't take it anymore. If we had broken up in June like we were heading towards, I would be in the process of healing now. Instead just when my wounds start to heal, he finds them and rips them open again! I can't take it anymore!
So each of us have our own account on the computer, and we had ours up while I was fixing dinner (yep me fixing dinner again!). Anyway, Sherry Ping!-ed him and when I came out after dinner to get on the computer I told him she had Ping!-ed him and he pretended not to care. We went to the tv room and watched a movie and after the movie he got up and just stood there...just standing...finally around 10pm I went to bed, because I had to get up early (not this early) for work today. So almost as soon as I went to bed he ran to the computer and Ping!-ed her and started up a conversation with her.
So, it seems he cannot give her up. He has chosen...He did not chose me...he has chosen to re-open my wounds, over and over...and I cannot and will not live like that...
So when we get to counseling today, I will make that perfectly clear...what do you think he will say? What do you think the counselor will say?
I wanted to put this on Facebook and take a vote on it...should Sherry go? Should they both go? I still might...I will wait until after the counseling session to decide if I will post it on Facebook or not...I think I would love for Sherry to know what she is doing to my marriage, because he surely isn't telling her!
So each of us have our own account on the computer, and we had ours up while I was fixing dinner (yep me fixing dinner again!). Anyway, Sherry Ping!-ed him and when I came out after dinner to get on the computer I told him she had Ping!-ed him and he pretended not to care. We went to the tv room and watched a movie and after the movie he got up and just stood there...just standing...finally around 10pm I went to bed, because I had to get up early (not this early) for work today. So almost as soon as I went to bed he ran to the computer and Ping!-ed her and started up a conversation with her.
So, it seems he cannot give her up. He has chosen...He did not chose me...he has chosen to re-open my wounds, over and over...and I cannot and will not live like that...
So when we get to counseling today, I will make that perfectly clear...what do you think he will say? What do you think the counselor will say?
I wanted to put this on Facebook and take a vote on it...should Sherry go? Should they both go? I still might...I will wait until after the counseling session to decide if I will post it on Facebook or not...I think I would love for Sherry to know what she is doing to my marriage, because he surely isn't telling her!
Thursday, August 9, 2012
A Different Perspective
So today I was talking to Jermaine about the whole situation with Paul...I told him how hurt I feel by the things that Paul does. I told him what happened yesterday and how Paul tried to flip the whole thing so I was the bad guy again. First with me being upset that he blew off his responsibility to take care of dinner and then when he said I was the one who didn't want to talk when he got home. Both times, I somehow turned into the bad guy...anyway enough with the recap...point is, I was mad, hurt and frustrated. And its not good for me physically. Stress is really bad for me, with the M.S.
So anyway, I was talking to Jermaine, he said I am the only one who can decide I am willing to stay in this and keep fighting for my marriage. But he said as my friend he woulda told me 'to leave that man' a long time ago, but as a preacher he never leads anyone down the path to divorce.
He said that I need to find a way to let the anger go and find peace before I talk about the things that are upsetting me. So that is what I am going to try to do. The problem is, I am so frustrated by these things, that as soon as I try to talk calmly, I end up crying and that itself makes me mad!
Jermaine says I need to give him a chance and try to look at things from Paul's side, especially since we just found out about the ADD thing. But I'm concerned that he will use that as an excuse to continue to play the victim. He already does that, nothing is ever his fault and I am afraid that this is just the excuse he needs.
Side-note: I just saw on my Facebook that Sherry liked a picture that I posted of me and Paul. It says Sherry (friends with Paul) likes your photo. And you know what? I actually felt revulsion. Yep, that's what I felt, I looked it up. And I felt sick to my stomach...like I literally could have thrown up...yeah, that's how much it disgusts me that that woman has anything to do with my life even peripherally.
I guess it's no surprise that over 70% of M.S marriages end in divorce!
So anyway, I was talking to Jermaine, he said I am the only one who can decide I am willing to stay in this and keep fighting for my marriage. But he said as my friend he woulda told me 'to leave that man' a long time ago, but as a preacher he never leads anyone down the path to divorce.
He said that I need to find a way to let the anger go and find peace before I talk about the things that are upsetting me. So that is what I am going to try to do. The problem is, I am so frustrated by these things, that as soon as I try to talk calmly, I end up crying and that itself makes me mad!
Jermaine says I need to give him a chance and try to look at things from Paul's side, especially since we just found out about the ADD thing. But I'm concerned that he will use that as an excuse to continue to play the victim. He already does that, nothing is ever his fault and I am afraid that this is just the excuse he needs.
Side-note: I just saw on my Facebook that Sherry liked a picture that I posted of me and Paul. It says Sherry (friends with Paul) likes your photo. And you know what? I actually felt revulsion. Yep, that's what I felt, I looked it up. And I felt sick to my stomach...like I literally could have thrown up...yeah, that's how much it disgusts me that that woman has anything to do with my life even peripherally.
I guess it's no surprise that over 70% of M.S marriages end in divorce!
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Are you Effing Kidding Me?!?
Okay, so we met with the counselor last Wednesday and she told him he needed to take a break from Facebook and messaging with Sherry...now I thought we both assumed it would be at least until the next appointment. Silly me, thinking we were both on the same page about something.
Anyway, so that night he didn't do Facebook or talk to Sherry. So the next night we were driving to the movies and he mentioned that he had told Sam about the appointment with the counselor and that she had said that the relationship he had with Sherry was 'an affair' and that he didn't agree. I asked, "Did you tell her that you were banned from Facebook?" He went nuts. He said he wasn't banned! Who's mincing words now, my friend! Any way, when we got home that night, he asked if he could just check his Facebook, 'real quick'. I said that he was a grown up and that he could interpret taking a break how ever he wanted. He has been 'checking his Facebook real quick' every day since then. And if I post something, he'll say, "Let me look at mine to see how it looks."
Then Monday night he got on Facebook after I went to bed! And posted comments!
So then Tuesday night we were on the computer together, doing something fairly important, and 'Ping' Sherry pops up. And he goes, 'Let me talk to her.' And I say you're not supposed to. And he goes, 'I don't think that was what was said...' Really are you Effing kidding me?!? Did we go to the same counseling appointment? First he goes on Facebook willy-nilly and now he just decides because she pings him, he's gonna talk to her!
So I said sure, talk to her...
So instead of telling her the truth, that the counselor told him to cool it, and you'd think he'd be honest with her since they are such good friends, she is his best friend after all, he says that he decided to stay off the computer and not spend so much time chatting and spend more time with the family...HA!
And then today, the day he was supposed to bring home dinner, and for the first time in who knows how long, it wasn't going to be my responsibility, I was waiting on a text that says, 'What should I pick up for dinner?' and instead I get a text that says 'I'm going out to dinner with Sam. Actually I am already out to dinner with Sam and I will be late getting home. You can come join us if you want'
Seriously, I was in tears. There was nothing here for dinner. The dishes needed done. I had to go to the store. It was so inconsiderate. I texted him back, but he just blew me off. He called and said we'd talk about it when he got home, but he hasn't said a word to me since he got here. Selfish jerk!
_____________________________________________________________
Okay, so we just had a talk about this evening, and he said I over-reacted because he did invited me so he was being considerate. And he offered to go to the store on his way home...which means we would've had dinner at like 8-8:30. That would've gone over well with the kids - he gets to go out to dinner with his friend and the rest of get grocery store dinner really late...
So yeah, some how, I'm the bad guy again!
Anyway, so that night he didn't do Facebook or talk to Sherry. So the next night we were driving to the movies and he mentioned that he had told Sam about the appointment with the counselor and that she had said that the relationship he had with Sherry was 'an affair' and that he didn't agree. I asked, "Did you tell her that you were banned from Facebook?" He went nuts. He said he wasn't banned! Who's mincing words now, my friend! Any way, when we got home that night, he asked if he could just check his Facebook, 'real quick'. I said that he was a grown up and that he could interpret taking a break how ever he wanted. He has been 'checking his Facebook real quick' every day since then. And if I post something, he'll say, "Let me look at mine to see how it looks."
Then Monday night he got on Facebook after I went to bed! And posted comments!
So then Tuesday night we were on the computer together, doing something fairly important, and 'Ping' Sherry pops up. And he goes, 'Let me talk to her.' And I say you're not supposed to. And he goes, 'I don't think that was what was said...' Really are you Effing kidding me?!? Did we go to the same counseling appointment? First he goes on Facebook willy-nilly and now he just decides because she pings him, he's gonna talk to her!
So I said sure, talk to her...
So instead of telling her the truth, that the counselor told him to cool it, and you'd think he'd be honest with her since they are such good friends, she is his best friend after all, he says that he decided to stay off the computer and not spend so much time chatting and spend more time with the family...HA!
And then today, the day he was supposed to bring home dinner, and for the first time in who knows how long, it wasn't going to be my responsibility, I was waiting on a text that says, 'What should I pick up for dinner?' and instead I get a text that says 'I'm going out to dinner with Sam. Actually I am already out to dinner with Sam and I will be late getting home. You can come join us if you want'
Seriously, I was in tears. There was nothing here for dinner. The dishes needed done. I had to go to the store. It was so inconsiderate. I texted him back, but he just blew me off. He called and said we'd talk about it when he got home, but he hasn't said a word to me since he got here. Selfish jerk!
_____________________________________________________________
Okay, so we just had a talk about this evening, and he said I over-reacted because he did invited me so he was being considerate. And he offered to go to the store on his way home...which means we would've had dinner at like 8-8:30. That would've gone over well with the kids - he gets to go out to dinner with his friend and the rest of get grocery store dinner really late...
So yeah, some how, I'm the bad guy again!
Sunday, August 5, 2012
My life hasn't been CAKE!!!
My anxiety level is so high I feel like I am going to pop, I swear to god! I know I said in my last post that he was going to have to choose, but he hasn't been forced to choose yet and just waiting until we get to that point it causing me too much stress for my M.S. riddled body. It shouldn't I know. I should be able to feel confident that my husband of 21.5 years will choose me, right?
BUT what if the counselor says I don't have the right to make him choose? Or what if she says that this isn't the right time to make him choose? What if she says I have to give him time to heal first? I don't think I can do that...I am tired of him getting to be the victim all the time and my feelings are never acknowledged.
I am in pain too. I know she (the counselor) knows that this relationship he has with Sherry causes me pain, and has the whole time it has existed...she can't think that its a good thing for it to continue, can she? Maybe she is giving him time to realize that on his own. But I don't think he is going to. I just don't.
I feel like he is just waiting for the ban to be lifted and then he will be on yahoo messenger so fast...apologizing to her for the lapse in communication, explaining that it wasn't his fault, that the counselor made him do it...
I want him to understand that I am the only woman he needs. He can have his friends from work, at work, he can have those friends we run into at the blue festivals, or even the ones we go out with sometimes, but not the ones that invade my home. Those just aren't permitted in my marriage...
She needs to GO! He needs to get rid of her. On his own. He needs to do it, without me having to make it an ultimatum. Because that will surely destroy our marriage.
If I have to make him choose, either way it comes down, it won't be good. Because why should I have to make him choose?
There should be no choice...he should automatically choose me...no competition...I am his wife, his life partner, the mother of his children...the one he goes to bed with every night. But if she fills some greater need in his life, then I can't win...
I am saddened by this stage of my life...I never thought I would be here. I said it before. I thought I was in a til death do us part marriage...with no betrayal, no lies, no other women...not even the 'emotional affair' kind.
I feel like crying all the time. Its not fair. The counselor keeps giving him 'break-throughs' that basically give him the right to feel that way, but I am left just sitting there with nothing. Like I have been been through nothing and he is a victim and she keeps telling him that he's had such a rough life...like mine has been cake??
I've had no Cake!
BUT what if the counselor says I don't have the right to make him choose? Or what if she says that this isn't the right time to make him choose? What if she says I have to give him time to heal first? I don't think I can do that...I am tired of him getting to be the victim all the time and my feelings are never acknowledged.
I am in pain too. I know she (the counselor) knows that this relationship he has with Sherry causes me pain, and has the whole time it has existed...she can't think that its a good thing for it to continue, can she? Maybe she is giving him time to realize that on his own. But I don't think he is going to. I just don't.
I feel like he is just waiting for the ban to be lifted and then he will be on yahoo messenger so fast...apologizing to her for the lapse in communication, explaining that it wasn't his fault, that the counselor made him do it...
I want him to understand that I am the only woman he needs. He can have his friends from work, at work, he can have those friends we run into at the blue festivals, or even the ones we go out with sometimes, but not the ones that invade my home. Those just aren't permitted in my marriage...
She needs to GO! He needs to get rid of her. On his own. He needs to do it, without me having to make it an ultimatum. Because that will surely destroy our marriage.
If I have to make him choose, either way it comes down, it won't be good. Because why should I have to make him choose?
There should be no choice...he should automatically choose me...no competition...I am his wife, his life partner, the mother of his children...the one he goes to bed with every night. But if she fills some greater need in his life, then I can't win...
I am saddened by this stage of my life...I never thought I would be here. I said it before. I thought I was in a til death do us part marriage...with no betrayal, no lies, no other women...not even the 'emotional affair' kind.
I feel like crying all the time. Its not fair. The counselor keeps giving him 'break-throughs' that basically give him the right to feel that way, but I am left just sitting there with nothing. Like I have been been through nothing and he is a victim and she keeps telling him that he's had such a rough life...like mine has been cake??
I've had no Cake!
Saturday, August 4, 2012
HE IS GOING TO HAVE TO CHOOSE
So we've been going to the marriage counselor for a couple weeks. The first time she told us not to work on any 'heavy stuff' because we weren't equipped to deal with it yet. Fine. Yet somehow those issues still kept coming up. Like Sherry being Paul's best friend instead of me...yeah...real hot button issue for me..definite deal breaker. And the fact that he will drop every thing and run for the computer when she 'Pings!'. Another hot button issue.
So anyway...we go into counseling this week and she asks how we are doing and Paul tells her that some of the heavy issues have been coming up. Then he tries to tell her that while we were 'broken up' that I read his chats. I think he was attempting to rat me out. But she just glossed over me reading the chats and went into how did I feel when I read the chats. I told her that I felt betrayed. He back-pedaled and tried to justify their relationship. They had been friends since middle school, they graduated high school together, they had simply lost touch after high school but had now reconnected.
She says, okay, so after the initial 20 minute conversation, because that's all it should have taken to catch up, what did you talk about? The she goes on to tell him that what he did was have a platonic affair. He says, no, no way. There was no talk of sex or love or anything like that. She says there doesn't have to be, when he took all the time and energy and emotion that he should have been giving to me and gave it to another woman, it is the clinical definition of an affair. She gets out books and pamphlets and shows them to him. He finally comes to accept this as true. She tells him that she wants him to take a break from talking to Sherry. My wishes have been answered! Only I wish she would've said just cut it off completely, instead of take a break, because I know he heard, "its just until your next appointment, then you get her back..."
But he did whine about how he would be losing a friend and someone who knew him so well. She told him that it was just a faceless person on the computer.
She tells him that the talks that he would have had with Sherry, she wants him to have with himself instead, in the form of journaling. I feel very supportive of this.
She delves further into the situation and finds a hidden issue that she believes is the root of this and that is that he is missing his mom and his older brother. Again, I am supportive.
After we leave, we go and buy him a journal so he can start right away. He says that he feels guilty that he didn't know that he was doing this. I tell him that how could he know, it was a hidden issue and she didn't even know, she had to look for it to find it.
I feel that I being supportive of all of his breakthroughs. BUT I feel that he is either using the fact that he is the one having all the breakthrough to be mean to me or he is blaming me for his lack of being able to talk to Sherry to be mean to me. One or the other, but he is definitely being mean to me.
So, at our next appointment, I am going to tell Dawn that we need to get some more things out on the table before I start to try to move past them because if I try to heal and then later she wants to address them it will be too late.
BUT, also he IS going to have to choose.
ME OR SHERRY.
I will not be in a marriage where my husband can't decided between me and another another woman...
So anyway...we go into counseling this week and she asks how we are doing and Paul tells her that some of the heavy issues have been coming up. Then he tries to tell her that while we were 'broken up' that I read his chats. I think he was attempting to rat me out. But she just glossed over me reading the chats and went into how did I feel when I read the chats. I told her that I felt betrayed. He back-pedaled and tried to justify their relationship. They had been friends since middle school, they graduated high school together, they had simply lost touch after high school but had now reconnected.
She says, okay, so after the initial 20 minute conversation, because that's all it should have taken to catch up, what did you talk about? The she goes on to tell him that what he did was have a platonic affair. He says, no, no way. There was no talk of sex or love or anything like that. She says there doesn't have to be, when he took all the time and energy and emotion that he should have been giving to me and gave it to another woman, it is the clinical definition of an affair. She gets out books and pamphlets and shows them to him. He finally comes to accept this as true. She tells him that she wants him to take a break from talking to Sherry. My wishes have been answered! Only I wish she would've said just cut it off completely, instead of take a break, because I know he heard, "its just until your next appointment, then you get her back..."
But he did whine about how he would be losing a friend and someone who knew him so well. She told him that it was just a faceless person on the computer.
She tells him that the talks that he would have had with Sherry, she wants him to have with himself instead, in the form of journaling. I feel very supportive of this.
She delves further into the situation and finds a hidden issue that she believes is the root of this and that is that he is missing his mom and his older brother. Again, I am supportive.
After we leave, we go and buy him a journal so he can start right away. He says that he feels guilty that he didn't know that he was doing this. I tell him that how could he know, it was a hidden issue and she didn't even know, she had to look for it to find it.
I feel that I being supportive of all of his breakthroughs. BUT I feel that he is either using the fact that he is the one having all the breakthrough to be mean to me or he is blaming me for his lack of being able to talk to Sherry to be mean to me. One or the other, but he is definitely being mean to me.
So, at our next appointment, I am going to tell Dawn that we need to get some more things out on the table before I start to try to move past them because if I try to heal and then later she wants to address them it will be too late.
BUT, also he IS going to have to choose.
ME OR SHERRY.
I will not be in a marriage where my husband can't decided between me and another another woman...
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