My life hasn't been CAKE!!!

My anxiety level is so high I feel like I am going to pop, I swear to god!  I know I said in my last post that he was going to have to choose, but he hasn't been forced to choose yet and just waiting until we get to that point it causing me too much stress for my M.S. riddled body.  It shouldn't I know.  I should be able to feel confident that my husband of 21.5 years will choose me, right?

BUT what if the counselor says I don't have the right to make him choose?  Or what if she says that this isn't the right time to make him choose?  What if she says I have to give him time to heal first?  I don't think I can do that...I am tired of him getting to be the victim all the time and my feelings are never acknowledged. 

I am in pain too.  I know she (the counselor) knows that this relationship he has with Sherry causes me pain, and has the whole time it has existed...she can't think that its a good thing for it to continue, can she?  Maybe she is giving him time to realize that on his own.  But I don't think he is going to.  I just don't.

I feel like he is just waiting for the ban to be lifted and then he will be on yahoo messenger so fast...apologizing to her for the lapse in communication, explaining that it wasn't his fault, that the counselor made him do it...

I want him to understand that I am the only woman he needs.  He can have his friends from work, at work, he can have those friends we run into at the blue festivals, or even the ones we go out with sometimes, but not the ones that invade my home.  Those just aren't permitted in my marriage...

She needs to GO!  He needs to get rid of her.  On his own.  He needs to do it, without me having to make it an ultimatum.  Because that will surely destroy our marriage.

If I have to make him choose, either way it comes down, it won't be good.  Because why should I have to make him choose?

There should be no choice...he should automatically choose me...no competition...I am his wife, his life partner, the mother of his children...the one he goes to bed with every night.  But if she fills some greater need in his life, then I can't win...

I am saddened by this stage of my life...I never thought I would be here.  I said it before.  I thought I was in a til death do us part marriage...with no betrayal, no lies, no other women...not even the 'emotional affair' kind.

I feel like crying all the time.  Its not fair.  The counselor keeps giving him 'break-throughs' that basically give him the right to feel that way, but I am left just sitting there with nothing.  Like I have been been through nothing and he is a victim and she keeps telling him that he's had such a rough life...like mine has been cake??

I've had no Cake!