So I went in there and I spoke my mind...she started to go over the papers that we brought about Paul's ADD and I said, "Wait...before this goes any further, I don't think I can do this anymore...I don't want to do this anymore. I'm done." And she goes, "With what?" And I said "With everything, this all of it, counseling the marriage, everything... If we had broken up in June like we were heading towards, I'd be healing by now, but as it is, just when I start to heal, he wounds me again, over and over..." and she says, "Tell me what you mean..." So I told her about my perfect Sunday ruined by the Ping! from Sherry, and the Sunday afternoon when we were supposed spend time together and she Ping!-ed and he asked for 10 minutes and it turned to 40, and how last week he barely waited until I was in bed and then he ran for the computer to Ping! her...I said that those behaviors hurt me and he had obviously chosen and that if she fulfilled some need for him that there was nothing I could do about it.
He said that he hadn't chosen. Dawn said that Sherry was obviously a wedge between us and that he needed to understand that it was Sherry or me. He said that it wasnt fair and why did he have to choose. I told her that I had made several changes in an effort to make him happy. I had shown a greater interest in the things he liked, I had gone places with him that I would never have gone before, I had written him little notes, sent him texts during the day, actively cuddled, and felt that he was not giving the same sort of changes in return. When she asked him what changes he was making for me his response was that I was enjoying the things that we were doing together and the hanging out, etc. She said, no, what changes was he making for me? He couldn't come up with any...
He said he had told Sherry that he was going to work on the marriage. He also said that he had told me that he wasn't going to talk to Sherry about me and our relationship and that he hadn't been and that he was going to chat for less time when he did chat. But what Dawn pointed out was that he hadn't explained the new boundaries to Sherry so she just kept coming back expecting the old rules to be in effect. And when she Ping!-ed he still went running. She asked him what would happen if he told Sherry that he was going to take a break for two months. He asked what did she mean, of course he would do it. He was committed to me and working on the marriage. She said, no, did he think Sherry would wait for him. He said he didn't know. I thought that said alot. Dawn said okay...He said he was worried because wouldn't he be right back where he was if at Christmas she popped up and said 'Merry Xmas' and he said 'Merry Xmas, how have you been?' and I got upset all over again. Dawn said she had a plan and by that point we would have done a lot of healing and it wouldn't be an issue.
This went on for some time, with Dawn giving examples of how this was a painful issue for me, trying to explain that my feelings were valid even if he didn't understand how. Finally he got that they were real feelings. He accepted that in order for us to move on Sherry was going to have to go.
Dawn said that if Sherry Ping!-ed him I was supposed to say, 'What are you going to do?'. We also discussed his ADD and using a timer for Facebook.
Last time after we left counseling, I thought we were on the same page about what had been discussed and we weren't, so when got home this time, I asked him what was discussed and what was going to happen. He said that he was going to tell Sherry that he wasn't going to talk to her anymore. (And that he was going to use a timer for Facebook.)
So last night while I was cooking dinner, I was looking at a recipe online and Sherry pops up. So I told him. He said he wanted time to talk to her...I said no better time than now...I'm gonna be cooking for awhile. After like 2 minutes, he says, "I'm done..." Now I was expecting this to take awhile...seriously...they were supposedly these really great supportive friends...had gotten each other through such rough times...she was there for him when we were going through the almost break up, etc...but as soon as he tries to explain it to her she says goodbye, he says wait, and tries again and she says I don't want to hear your excuses Paul! and basically leaves the conversation. He was really upset and that upsets me. I didn't want him to be upset. That was never my goal. Truly it wasn't. I am not and was not jealous. I just don't want to share him, especially with some faceless harlot on the computer.
I am pretty sure there was either more or less to the relationship from her side than he thought.
Either:
A: she did want him all to herself...and wanted me out of the picture
OR
B: she was never that supportive of him at all...
Either way, I'm just glad the bitch is gone!
So I went on Facebook this morning and the bitch un-friended him...nice...works for me! I can move on working on my marriage...I no longer have to worry about that annoying Ping! and the harlot/tramp that goes with it!
Happy dance for me...
Sad face for Paul.
I did explain to Paul that the pain that he is experiencing now...is kinda what I have been going through (probably less so than what I have been experiencing) for the last few weeks. We are each going to have our own painful parts of this healing processes. Each time he left me for that Ping! I felt wounded.
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