HE IS GOING TO HAVE TO CHOOSE

So we've been going to the marriage counselor for a couple weeks.  The first time she told us not to work on any 'heavy stuff' because we weren't equipped to deal with it yet.  Fine.  Yet somehow those issues still kept coming up.  Like Sherry being Paul's best friend instead of me...yeah...real hot button issue for me..definite deal breaker.  And the fact that he will drop every thing and run for the computer when she 'Pings!'.  Another hot button issue.

So anyway...we go into counseling this week and she asks how we are doing and Paul tells her that some of the heavy issues have been coming up.  Then he tries to tell her that while we were 'broken up' that I read his chats.  I think he was attempting to rat me out.  But she just glossed over me reading the chats and went into how did I feel when I read the chats.  I told her that I felt betrayed.  He back-pedaled and tried to justify their relationship.  They had been friends since middle school, they graduated high school together, they had simply lost touch after high school but had now reconnected.

She says, okay, so after the initial 20 minute conversation, because that's all it should have taken to catch up, what did you talk about?  The she goes on to tell him that what he did was have a platonic affair.  He says, no, no way.  There was no talk of sex or love or anything like that.  She says there doesn't have to be, when he took all the time and energy and emotion that he should have been giving to me and gave it to another woman, it is the clinical definition of an affair.  She gets out books and pamphlets and shows them to him.  He finally comes to accept this as true.  She tells him that she wants him to take a break from talking to Sherry.  My wishes have been answered!  Only I wish she would've said just cut it off completely, instead of take a break, because I know he heard, "its just until your next appointment, then you get her back..."

But he did whine about how he would be losing a friend and someone who knew him so well.  She told him that it was just a faceless person on the computer.

She tells him that the talks that he would have had with Sherry, she wants him to have with himself instead, in the form of journaling.  I feel very supportive of this.

She delves further into the situation and finds a hidden issue that she believes is the root of this and that is that he is missing his mom and his older brother.  Again, I am supportive. 

After we leave, we go and buy him a journal so he can start right away.  He says that he feels guilty that he didn't know that he was doing this.  I tell him that how could he know, it was a hidden issue and she didn't even know, she had to look for it to find it.

I feel that I being supportive of all of his breakthroughs.  BUT I feel that he is either using the fact that he is the one having all the breakthrough to be mean to me or he is blaming me for his lack of being able to talk to Sherry to be mean to me.  One or the other, but he is definitely being mean to me.

So, at our next appointment, I am going to tell Dawn that we need to get some more things out on the table before I start to try to move past them because if I try to heal and then later she wants to address them it will be too late. 

BUT, also he IS going to have to choose. 

ME OR SHERRY. 

I will not be in a marriage where my husband can't decided between me and another another woman...