So today I was talking to Jermaine about the whole situation with Paul...I told him how hurt I feel by the things that Paul does. I told him what happened yesterday and how Paul tried to flip the whole thing so I was the bad guy again. First with me being upset that he blew off his responsibility to take care of dinner and then when he said I was the one who didn't want to talk when he got home. Both times, I somehow turned into the bad guy...anyway enough with the recap...point is, I was mad, hurt and frustrated. And its not good for me physically. Stress is really bad for me, with the M.S.
So anyway, I was talking to Jermaine, he said I am the only one who can decide I am willing to stay in this and keep fighting for my marriage. But he said as my friend he woulda told me 'to leave that man' a long time ago, but as a preacher he never leads anyone down the path to divorce.
He said that I need to find a way to let the anger go and find peace before I talk about the things that are upsetting me. So that is what I am going to try to do. The problem is, I am so frustrated by these things, that as soon as I try to talk calmly, I end up crying and that itself makes me mad!
Jermaine says I need to give him a chance and try to look at things from Paul's side, especially since we just found out about the ADD thing. But I'm concerned that he will use that as an excuse to continue to play the victim. He already does that, nothing is ever his fault and I am afraid that this is just the excuse he needs.
Side-note: I just saw on my Facebook that Sherry liked a picture that I posted of me and Paul. It says Sherry (friends with Paul) likes your photo. And you know what? I actually felt revulsion. Yep, that's what I felt, I looked it up. And I felt sick to my stomach...like I literally could have thrown up...yeah, that's how much it disgusts me that that woman has anything to do with my life even peripherally.
I guess it's no surprise that over 70% of M.S marriages end in divorce!
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